There was a time when I experienced a particular ache that came with not being chosen.
Not just once.
Not just in love….but in a pattern.
It was a quiet ache that built over time…like a song on repeat that nobody else seems to hear but you.
I’ve spent years being the “strong one.” The understanding one. The woman who claps for others. I’ve been the friend who showed up when I didn’t have the energy, the partner who loved and cared loudly, and the woman who kept choosing people who somehow… didn’t choose her back.
Sometimes they left.
Sometimes they stayed but only halfway.
And sometimes, they just never even saw me.
And you start to wonder: What is it about me that makes me good enough to lean on, but not to hold onto?
That question haunted me more than I care to admit. I overperformed in relationships, romantic and otherwise. I poured love into people like it was proof of my worth. If I gave more, showed up more, sacrificed more — maybe, just maybe, I’d finally be someone’s “yes.”
But healing is a mirror. It made me look at myself and ask: Why do I crave being chosen so badly?
And the answer hit me hard:
Because somewhere along the line, I equated being chosen with being worthy.
But sis… worth is not proven in someone else’s decision to keep you. I’ve learned that about myself while going through my healing journey.
It’s not found in a text back, or a seat at someone else’s table.
Your worth is already here. Breathing. Glowing. Whole.
Today, I no longer beg for spaces that shrink me or people who don’t see the fullness of my magic.
And no, that doesn’t mean the ache is totally gone, although I’m working to release that ache. However, I’ve made peace with the ache.
Because now I choose me.
And baby, that’s the most powerful choice of all.
Writing Prompt:
Write about a time you weren’t chosen. How did it make you feel…not just in the moment, but long after?
Then ask yourself: Have I started choosing myself in the places I used to feel rejected?
Let the pen lead you toward your truth and maybe your healing.
