If I could count how many times I’ve walked past a guy on the street who boldly suggests I should stop looking mean and smile, I’d be rich.There are two reasons why that bothers me:
- I’m usually not aware of what my face looks like — especially when I’m in no particular mood. Nine times out of ten, I could be having an awesome day!
- It’s always a man who suggests I smile.
It’s obvious that some men expect women to appease them in some form or fashion. Because the look on my face doesn’t make you comfortable, you, a stranger, feel the need to tell me how to “fix” my face. That’s not only bold, but wildly inappropriate.
Even if a woman is having a bad day, it’s not a man’s place—or concern—to tell her what she should do. A woman you don’t know is not obligated to make you comfortable. We are not here for you to critique our facial expressions. If we want to look “mean,” we have every right to do so without your approval or disapproval. It’s simply not your business.
So, tell me…Why should I smile to please you? Better yet, why should I smile at all?What these bold guys fail to realize is that asking a woman why she looks mean, or telling her to smile, actually deepens whatever frustration she may already be carrying. She doesn’t need your unsolicited, unnecessary advice.
It’s unfortunate that Black women, in general, are already labeled as angry, bitter, mean, or accused of having “attitude problems.” Our own men sometimes feed into that stereotype, which only strengthens society’s warped perception of us.
Asking a woman why she looks mean reinforces the notion that that’s just who we are. But in most cases, like all humans, we might simply look mean because we’ve had a bad day, week, month, or even year. And let’s be real: we’re not about to tell a random man on the street why we look that way. You’re not owed that explanation.
If you’re that concerned about why a Black woman on the street looks mean, maybe it’s because she, along with her sisters, her mother, her aunts, her cousins, has to exist in a world that still questions her worth and equality.
Maybe it’s because she’s juggling the daily stresses of life: maintaining a household, dealing with microaggressions, navigating misogyny, and facing constant sexual objectification. Maybe it’s because we constantly fear for our safety in public spaces.
So, to answer your question, “Why do we look mean?”That’s your answer.
The next time you fix your mouth to ask a woman on the street why she looks mean…don’t.
Better yet, try asking a man and see if you get the response you’re looking for.
