Let me tell you what we’re not gonna do this season:
Lose sleep because somebody didn’t follow us back on Instagram or tag us in a post on Facebook!
I had to check MYSELF not too long ago because here’s the truth:
I used to wonder what it meant when someone I care about didn’t acknowledge me publicly. Was I asking for too much? Was I being dramatic? Was I… invisible?
I had to do some self-reflection when I felt “ignored” by someone/people that I value. It wasn’t like I was asking for a “#MCM” post or some gushy caption, or a HEY! Lakia DID THIS post! Just a lil’ tag back… a double tap…a response to the fire &/or supportive story I sent or a post share.
But then it hit me… why am I checking for digital validation on somebody else’s platform when I’ve got my own brand to build?
Why am I looking to be added to a story when I could be out here telling my own?
Social media is a tricky thing. It blurs the line between support and status, love and likes. But not everything unspoken is shady and not every untagged/unacknowledged post is a personal rejection. If we’re being honest…some folks are just… sticklers about establishing brand-centered social media pages only.
As someone who maintains an online brand, I can attest that we treat our social media like business cards, portfolios, and media kits… polished, detached, and “brand-safe”. SOME of us will not post personal captions, pics, etc. No behind-the-scenes. Just…our brand.
I was never one of those people, but a recent conversation has taught me a lesson in not taking stuff like this personally and also focusing less on digital validation on putting more focus on my own brand.
And while yes, being ignored online can feel personal, especially when you’re supportive and present for others, but we have to remember that digital visibility isn’t a requirement for real connection.
That being said…and this is what I’m learning…
Don’t let a lack of engagement, mentions, or no follow-back make you question your worth.
You’re not less valuable because someone won’t acknowledge you online.
You don’t need a tag to prove you’re important.
You’re the whole vibe… whether you’re acknowledged or not.
What I’ve also learned, though, is this:
The more energy I spend wondering why someone didn’t repost me, tag me, or hit that follow back… the less time I have to water my own platform. To focus on my voice, my presence, my business, and my community.
It’s taken me awhile to embrace this lesson.
Why?
Now listen. I’ve been around since the days of BlackPlanet and MySpace and the entire BIRTH OF THE INTERNET, so let me say this loud and clear:
I was one of those who believed if you’re in a relationship and you got all that love to give in private but can’t post your person every now and then on the timeline? Chile… you hidin’ something!
For the longest, I stood on that hill like it was Mt. Everest. And I meant it.
I was convinced that if he/she isn’t posting you, it’s because there’s someone, he/she doesn’t want to see it, or they want to keep the relationship a secret for optional purposes. Period.
A private relationship? Cool.
A secret one? Nah. That’s a red flag in soft lighting.
But you know what? Life has been humbling lately. 👀
I’ve also grown from that thinking because I’ve witnessed (and experienced) differently.
Because if we’re being real… some of those overly public, super-posty “bae and I” relationships?
Whewwww! they be performative as hell.
Matching outfits, couples yoga, kissing on the beach…but offline, she’s crying in the bathroom and he in some random’s inbox with,” Hey, Beautiful!”
So now? I’m learning to hold my judgment. Because everybody’s social media intentions are not the same and sometimes, folks really do want to keep their peace separate from their posts, and they want to keep their relationship, which they see as sacred, offline.
We’ll post our baes when NECCESSARY and most of the time….it’s not.
I get that.
I understand it
I recieve it.
Still, let me be real about myself:
Yes, I felt a lil’ sting when someone I’m dating didn’t follow me back on IG. I mean… I had tagged him once as a supporter. Even dropped a follow like a grown woman cheering on her man. Maybe he saw it and maybe he didn’t.
So, I did what any emotionally mature adult would do…
I unfollowed him with grace and kept it pushin’. 😂
What I need is alignment. Peace. Presence. Real love…and that’s what I’m getting.
The lesson I’ve learned:
I need to pour that energy into building my brand…not waiting for someone to validate me on theirs.
We live in a society where digital proof has become the new intimacy when it really shouldn’t be that way.
