Disclaimer: If you’re not into sarcastic humor, this isn’t the think piece for you.
Now, that I’ve got that out the way, it’s time to talk about the common text message that turns most women off and that’s the “Grand rising, Queen” text. It’s slightly above that old tired, “Good morning, Beautiful”, but doesn’t top the irritation we get when we read the “WYD” text. For those who don’t understand text abbreviated lingo, it’s “what you doin’?”
Now, if you haven’t received one of these messages yet, you’re either incredibly lucky or living under a rock. For the uninitiated, allow me to paint you a picture:
You’re minding your business, sipping your morning coffee, contemplating the mysteries of the day when suddenly, ding! — a notification pops up on your phone. You reach for it, thinking it might be a message from your bestie or a cute meme your mom sent you. But no, it’s something far more cringe-worthy: “Grand rising, queen 👑” from a guy you’ve either forgot that you gave your number to, or a guy you’d rather not hear from. This guy could also be someone you’d like to get to know! Otherwise, why would he be allowed to have your number?
Anyway, you get my point.
I’ll be honest and tell you that I used to say “Grand Rising, sometimes, as a morning post on social media. However, the more I posted “Grand Rising”, the more I felt like a fraud. I even felt like I shouldn’t be verbalizing “Grand Rising”, because I wasn’t practicing my yoga on a regular basis. The term “grand rising” actually comes from those within the spiritual community and specifically people who have undergone a spiritual awakening of some kind. People who are spiritually awakened are those who takes care of their mind and body, emotionally, mentally, and even physically, particularly with their nutritional intake.
I would say or even post “Grand Rising” after eating a chicken box for breakfast and that’s wild!
So, imagine folks making this phrase a common language, and they may be folks who doesn’t classify themselves as “spiritualists”. This is where the problem lies.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a nice good morning text. There’s something undeniably sweet about waking up to a thoughtful message from someone you care about or someone you really like. But there’s a fine line between sweet and suspect, and “grand rising, queen” vaults over that line with Olympic-level precision. More often than not, they’re sent by that guy who thinks he’s the reincarnation of one of the members of the Black Panther Party or taking something from the page of Dr. Umar. Or worse, any guy who thinks the phrase will impress a woman.
There’s also the self-proclaimed “woke” dude who’s read self-help books and watched one too many YouTube videos on vibrations and manifestation and is now a “spiritual guru”.
Fellahs, here’s a word of advice…if you really want to impress someone with your morning texts, try something a little more ORIGNAL. Like, I don’t know, asking how their morning is going without the need to use language you barely or never use. Most importantly, just be yourself!
If you’re an afrocentrist who uses the phrase Grand Rising, because of the deeper meaning behind it, I can get with that. Otherwise, it just reeks insincerity. It’s also predictable and gives off false flattery. It’s about authenticity, as well. If a guy can’t even be genuine in his morning texts, what else is fake about him? It’s definitely clear that he’s fakin’ the funk when he texts one way but speaks another way when he’s in your presence. The language doesn’t match!
So, to all the men out there who think “Grand rising, Queen” is the key to a woman’s heart, let me offer you some advice: put down the HOTEP Language for Dummies, and know that you don’t have to use the phrase if that’s not how you’re used to speaking or your usual way of engaging in conversation. Instead of trying to impress with empty words and flowery language, try being genuine. Ask how her day is going, share a funny meme, or better yet just say “hello” as yourself.
The only Grand Rising I’ll acknowledge are the biscuits I put on my plate.
