There’s something uniquely jarring about being ghosted—a gut-punch of silence that leaves you questioning everything: your words, your actions, and even your worth. Now, imagine this happening at the hands of someone you felt deeply connected to, someone you trusted. That’s where I found myself not too long ago—ghosted!
If you’re familiar with the technical term, “Dismissive Avoidant”, then you know it’s an individual who often struggle with intimacy and connection. They crave independence to the point of emotional detachment, and when things get too close for comfort, they’ll withdraw—sometimes without a word. Understanding this doesn’t soften the blow, though. It still stings when someone you care about disappears, leaving you to piece together what went wrong.
The Initial Pain of Silence
At first, I was a mess. I’d replay every conversation, every moment we spent together, and read our text history, searching for clues. Was it something I said? Did I come on too strong? The silence screamed louder than any explanation could have, and it was deafening.
The void I experienced left my mind filling in the blanks with all the worst-case scenarios!
Sounds familiar? I’m sure because most of us has been subjected to one’s ghosting in some point of our existence in the dating world.
But here’s what I’ve learned: their silence says more about them than it does about us.
The Turning Point
One day, as I sat journaling—a practice that has become my lifeline and a thought hit me: Why am I letting someone who couldn’t even offer me basic communication dictate how I feel about myself? I deserve more. And guess what?? So do you.
That was my turning point. It wasn’t some grand “aha” moment, but a small shift in perspective. I stopped chasing answers and started focusing on me. Now, I’m leaning into things that brings me joy. The fog is slowly beginning to lift.
How I’m Healing
Healing isn’t linear, and it’s definitely not a one-size-fits-all process. But here’s what’s helped me navigate this:
Journaling: Writing down my thoughts gave me clarity. I’d pour out all my anger, sadness, and confusion, and by the end, I’d feel lighter.
Community: I lean on my tribe. Sharing my story with my loved ones reminds me that I wasn’t alone. It’s amazing how many people have dealt with similar experiences.
Self-compassion: I stopped blaming myself. Their inability to communicate is not my fault.
Therapy: I’ve had therapy in the past and I could definitely talk to one again. Talking to a professional helps me understand certain patterns and how to break them.
Encouragement for You
If you’re reading this and you’ve been ghosted, let me remind you of a few truths:
You are enough. Their silence is not a reflection of your worth.
Closure isn’t always given; sometimes, we have to create it ourselves.
Healing takes time. Be patient with yourself.
The reality is, not everyone has the emotional maturity to face the complexities of relationships. And while that’s their journey to navigate, it doesn’t have to define yours.
So here’s my challenge to you: Focus on the love you have for yourself. Nurture it. Grow it. And when someone worthy of your time comes along, you’ll be ready—not because you’re waiting to be chosen, but because you’ve already chosen yourself.
Final Thoughts
Being ghosted by a dismissive avoidant is a painful chapter in my story that I’m closing, but it’s not the end. In fact, it’s just the beginning of a deeper, more beautiful relationship with myself.
To anyone who’s felt this sting, know that you’re not alone. And more importantly, know that you’ll come out stronger on the other side. Keep healing, keep growing, and most of all, keep shining.
With love and resilience,
Kia
